Tayyab Journal / ENG

My first Ramadan. Episode 2

In the series "My First Ramadan, Muslim converts talk about their experiences. We hope that these stories will inspire those who are not yet fasting to join the billions of Muslims already this Ramadan!
The thought of Ramadan scared me from the moment I became a Muslim. I couldn't imagine how I could go without eating and drinking - especially drinking. Not drinking for four weeks at a stretch - for me, that was just impossible... My mother told me that I was not made for fasting. I knew that pregnant and sick people might not keep a fast- but I was young and healthy! Finally, I decided to give it a try- after all, the Almighty is on my side. A few days before the fast, I bought a rice stove so I wouldn't have to get up in the morning and cook for Suhoor. And on the advice of a neighbor, I stocked up on fresh milk and honey.

And so the first day passed, the second, the third, and I was still fasting! To be honest, the first few days were hard - not during the day, but right after breaking the fast. My body switched into emergency mode without warning, and by 7:00 p.m. I was already starting to feel sleepy. The adjustment process and lack of sleep became a problem, but I had no headaches, dizziness, or bad moods.

I wondered - is it really possible to not want to eat anything and drink very little an hour before sunset? I used to imagine a fast in black and gray, but on a physical level I experienced nothing like that. You can't say that the world has become bright and colorful - the colors of my fasting were transparent - as in the high altitudes, in the mountains. Light, floating beige, a shade of ocher and a shade of purple with gray. Colors free of greed and desire, colors of pure life. In these colors I felt and understood that the month of fasting belongs to the Almighty.

Proximity to Him is the best description of what I felt. It may be hard to understand and sound too abstract. I felt light and open to new things I had never felt before.

In the second half of the fast, my state of mind began to change. Everything superfluous, toxic, that had already left my body, now had to leave my soul as well. The accumulated tension and discontent that had been building up for years were looking for a way out. Finally, I had the strength to purify myself.

Ramadan has filled me with something new—a feeling of inner strength, balance, and love. The Almighty has shown me that everything is possible when He gives you divine assurance.

The material was created based on the story of a Muslim woman from Germany who currently lives in Indonesia: